i keep hearing in my mind that the same joy i have today is the joy i will have the day i die... so, if i am miserable that is - if i cannot find joy today.. then i will die in misery... but my life is so beautiful... though, i am currently focused upon those things that i find disagreeable and discomforting... like college. it really does pain me to stay so fiercely focused upon this catastrophe of a semester.. and indeed as i lied in my bed this morning... even while missing my dance class... i felt immense relief.. and now that i am on campus thinking of how much i do not want to be here... i feel stress and tension and my shoulders are tight and inching upward...
there are many people trying to convince me to stay in school... they say it opens doors... but in the last year i have seen friends go homeless, lose businesses, foreclose on houses... get divorces... fall into depression... go without food and be unable to pay bills... i have seen friends straight out of college unable to get jobs in their areas of interest... and yet the same argument is used... or rather heavily implied that if i just stay in college... i can get a better job?... so that's what it's all about? a job?... well, that's nice to know...
i already have one of those.. and i love the one i have.. but what i really want to do is travel... and get to know myself.. and mingle with good people.. i am determined to find a way to do that.. and be happy...
meanwhile this hoax we call education is a profound lesson... on how to find the joy right where you stand.. even while failing to meet other people's expectations... and creating your OWN standard while living it... peace.
