Life Works Perfectly

DISCLAIMER-ISH: I am extremely pleased to be back here today! There are many things on my heart and mind to share this glorious morning. However, before I get into that I want to be quite clear- I am going to be open and honest. I am a writer and I have found since age 4 when I began writing that putting something out there in written form offers what might be called a "comic relief!" For all those people who are extremely private - do not date a writer because you just might find yourself starring in a story of their's. My purpose is to share my experience with anyone who wants to learn from it and most anyone who wants to know! Maybe my "secrets" are precious and I should be more careful but I feel better sharing... But I am also aware that others are not comfortable with my sharing and that can get into gossip therefore... I will refrain from using names (some times!) but I will be very truthful- Sagittarius that I am!

WHAT I CREATED: So, what's been on my mind is... the parents that I created for myself. When I was younger it was a whole other story. I was the baby... everything was about me. My mother was fun! We danced around our apartment, hung out with friends, went on field trips... things were just better. But things started to happen when I was 12 years old. Now, that I look back I recognize a need I had to be out of my parent's reach... This was the year my mother got married to her husband and relocated the family from Rochester, NY to North Carolina. It was also the year I fell in love with Charles.

Ha! This is a fairly recent picture... but he is still himself! He was 17 at the time. I've always liked older guys!! Anyway, this was my first love. This was also around the time that I met the Ex (that I am releasing from my heart this month as apart of my manifestation cycle). Being in love added an intensity to my life that I was unaccustomed to...and changed me deeply. Before it was just church and bible study 4 times a week and shadowing my mother. Now, I was sneaking around and LYING! (Fun times!) Anyway, my mother noticed the withdrawal which only intensified when I was 16 and fell in love with the beautiful Scorpian devout Christian McKenzie-

For my Twilight fans- McKenzie was a lot like Edward Cullen without the whole vampire, immortal thing...very romantic and very loving and as mentioned McKenzie was a devout Christian and at the time I was too!!! Anyway, he was from the Bahamas so this was an automatic long-distance relationship... we fell in love with our computers... he came into the country to take me to prom, to come to my graduation and to spend a week and a half with my friends and me! He was a good cyber-boyfriend! LOL... My mother hated him. Found many things wrong with him and it was at this time that the first big part of my spiritual evolution came about! I learned what an emotionally turbulent mother I had created for myself. She became vicious towards me- trying to limit and restrict me... trying to dictate me and my life. I am a lover of freedom- freedom to love whoever, to think and believe as you will etc etc! This extreme desire of my mother to "control" me physically and emotionally has continued up until today. I believe that the spiritual agreement that she and I have is for her to teach me patience, forgiveness, unconditional love, soul group concepts and self-reliance and she has done a magnificent job!

When I was realizing that Christianity was painful for me and I didn't want to be in the church while my mother (a terrible singer) wailed on the mic behind the preacher she has a slight crush on she became extraordinarily vicious. She actually said to me that my relationship with God was between me, God and her... She threatened to kick me out if I didn't go to church and tried to "punish" me in all types of ways... Not very Christ-like at all... This reaction out of her made me commit myself fully to my decision to explore other spiritual avenues- which is why it was PERFECT and why I do not resent it. While I was an advent church-goer though... I learned all about SOUL TIES

and that was my introduction to what spirit had been teaching me all along- Community of Spirit (I look forward to writing in depth about this here, soon!)... The final thing that happened was my final push and it taught me to question EVERYTHING!

I was an AP/IB student at Grimsley High School. I loved it... I wrote letters to my friends all day and aced most of my classes! There was one teacher though from which I drew a major and important lesson (and others which are being made clear now). At the time, I needed to stop trusting "superiors" so much and question them instead. So, my teacher (a very strange and quirky white male) meant to make a point and what he said was that "if so-and-so's grandmother came back from the dead she would walk into the classroom and say (to me, the only brown-skinned face in the place) I didn't know y'all had niggers at this school." I was stunned... and I think that is only just recently wearing off (how desperately we hold on!)...





WHAT I LEARNED: The problem was- everything he taught, everything he said I trusted because he was the teacher and I liked him a lot. Even the things he said that were foolish to me- I tried to makes sense of in my own mind. But after that... I almost entirely withdrew and started to engage him in argument more. I didn't agree so easily anymore! Also he was the one who reminded me of 3 important concepts: idealism, materialism and dualism. When it came down to it I was drawn more to dualism but that did not entail all that I or you are. Thus, that questioning everything, combined with my Christian foundation and my self-reliance (all results of these experiences and changes) led me to my ever-developing Purple Ontology!!